I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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