Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
