another moral hangover. fuck.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
