You made me cry and you don't even care
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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