when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
