The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
