i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
