So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
