if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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