i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
