man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
