atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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