The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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