I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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