Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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