Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
