but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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