community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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