Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
