U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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