This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
