he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
