I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
