You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
