Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize