why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
