I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
