I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
