I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
