If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
