yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize