Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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