If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
