just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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