I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I need to stop coming to work sober
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
