How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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