Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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