i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
