I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
