making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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