just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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