Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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