woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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