physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
