like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
