We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize