so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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