The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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