He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
