is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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