After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
