Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize