he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
