I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
