Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
