Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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