We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
