Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
