Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
