he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I could fuck to npr.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
