I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
