found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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