oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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