last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
