Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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