I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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