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dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
