you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
