I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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