I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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