The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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