once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
