I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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