if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm having to shit out rocks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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