Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
