Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
