You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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