I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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