My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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