My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize