she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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