Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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