So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
