i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
