What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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