I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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