Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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