This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
