week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
