I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will be naked everywhere
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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