I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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