Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
