So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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