escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
