A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
