Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize