We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
