he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
