One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
