OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
