im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
