i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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