Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
