What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
