he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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