things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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