Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize