i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
