and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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