3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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