i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
